Last day of 2025

As this year ends, I am mired in grief.  Since they were born, I had focused on my kids.  Yet hubby had been a constant, steady presence.  Let me for once centre around him and summarise 2025.

Mar - Hubby's surgery to remove the second brain tumour.

Apr - Our helper of 9 years went home to PH and didn't return.  Hubby hadn't completely recovered and couldn't be left alone in our house.  So he came along when we went to my parents' house for the week instead of staying behind at home.  This meant he was spending way more time than before with me, the kids, my parents.  

Jun/Jul/Aug: I drove hubby for 30 sessions of radiotherapy.  Which meant we spent more time together and developing our little routines - chatting whilst in traffic, laughing about the technician wanting to go home when we were a little late and said technician would call asking if he would be going that day, checking to see if a carpark was available, me waiting for him to be done, us going back to my parents' place, eating our late dinner.  He'd often give me a nice shoulder massage later - which I took as gratitude for me taking him to the hospital. :)

Every Friday JE and SE would come too, and we would find a new place for dinner after the sessions. 

Sep: Our trip to Bangkok.   

Nov: Hubby was unexpectedly taken from us.

In hindsight, it was a blessing that my helper didn't return, that hubby needed me to drive him places, that we spent so much time together for 7+ months.  If only he was still around, I'd have rated 2025 as a pretty good year.

Now I am just missing him badly and finding it difficult to look forward to anything.