My birthday 2026

Right after CNY 15th day was my birthday.  I have always been emotional on this day.  The uncertainty whether colleagues would arrange lunch or I would somehow be alone (possible when colleagues happen to be stuck at meetings).  The uneasy anticipation of a birthday cake and when the cake-cutting would happen.  I take leave if possible to avoid that kind of stress and to do whatever I want on my 'special day'.

This year marks my first birthday after hubby passed.  I kept thinking of this day back in 2025 - my disappointment when hubby couldn't be discharged yet from hospital post-surgery, my annoyance that he continually requested things to be done for him until I had to have a dismal dinner due to food having run out at the shop downstairs.  I told myself that it was ok, I would make up for it in 2026.

I never expected 2026 to turn out like this.  No more hubby to pamper me with food, a massage, sometimes presents (I often don't want anything).  I tried, but still spent most of the day in tears.  Walked past CBTL and decided to redeem my birthday cake voucher because why not.  

 

Me with cake

I had considered going out for dinner but our area is predominantly Malay and I figured shops would be packed for Ramadan month.  

That evening, got a text that my parents had decided to go out for my birthday dinner.  I bawled some more.  I am so grateful to have my parents around during this dreadful chapter in my life.  We went to a nearby place which was empty (because food isn't great heh).  

Me with sponsor of dinner

I have much to be grateful for, must pick myself up and continue this journey.  

CNY potluck

The best day for our CNY potluck turned out to be on Chap Goh Meh (15th day of CNY).  Food was a mixture of bought and home-cooked.  My mother prepared many items as usual - the yee sang, her signature bak kien/pork rolls, vinegar pork trotters and punch. 

I refuse to smile

Get ready for yee sang

I had sauce left from my Dragon-i 'poon choy'.  Decided to make our own as it can't be that difficult right?  I made sure it had an even number of ingredients.  Bought fried chicken feet from the market and braised that together with mushrooms - #1 and #2.  #3 pork belly cooked till tender, #4 cooked chicken, #5 prawns and #6 broccoli.  Arrange everything in a pot, pour the sauce over and heat up at the stove.  Tadahh!!  Turned out very well indeed! 

Home-made 'poon choy'

We ate outside this year - good also as the temperature was lower!  (I have to record this in case of any future questions on who/what/where/how haha)

Pause eating short while for camera

We remembered to take a group photo this time.  The first one had my father's tummy showing, that's why the cushion is there as the solution.  We had a good laugh over this!

Much better!

All right, done and dusted for this year's CNY.

Soft cookies

We did make our usual seaweed crackers for CNY but I completely forgot to take photos.  

I finally out why our cookies were burnt last year... basically the oven thermostat is malfunctioning hence it would just get hotter and hotter.  So didn't bother to bake any CNY cookies this year.

After getting an oven thermometer, we can use the oven by manually turning it on and off.  JE made non-CNY soft cookies to eat.

Go flat y'alls

Pat-a-pat

I'm just happy when she gets off her electronic gadgets.

No celebration

In the recent years, we would wear our CNY clothes and head off to a mall to take photos.  This was a 'no-celebration' year in honour of hubby's passing.  Hmm I checked back, we had a 'no-celebration' year in 2018 due to MIL's passing.  8 years difference... such a short time.  MIL had a good long life whilst hubby's ended way too soon.

We were in 1Utama and checked out the deco.  Nothing too fancy.  I asked the girls to follow the poses other people were doing.

Horse butt at the back hehehe

And some fake plum blossoms

At least some red-red colours in my blog to mark the CNY.

CNY Day2

Hubby's side of the family suggested to continue with our usual CNY gatherings at my place.  I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle it - I was drowning in sorrow and prone to uncontrollable crying.  They used to come to visit him and now his chair would be empty.  He used to be the excited one planning the whole night together with our maid - I would almost be a guest who happened to live in the house!

Anyway I decided to proceed.  This would be a small group who would understand if my grief showed.  This same group were also formally in mourning and not allowed to celebrate CNY or visit people, so might as well we are together for this occasion.

Ordered a 'poon choy' from Dragon-i, added on vegetables and omelette, and guest contributed roast pork.

I was now the eldest in the group and merited a seat.  Erm I was planning to change shirt but didn't get round to it.

The people and the food

JE and SE were tasked with entertaining the younger guests.  Not so easy when people gravitate naturally to their electronic gadgets!  At least the girls played with aquabeads and there was one board game session.

My turn

Hmm the poon choy didn't seem to be worth its price of RM338.  Premium ingredients were only prawns, some dried scallops and oyster.  Next time must look for alternatives. 

Liquor was a 25-year aged single malt whisky from hubby's stash - saw a price of RM1640 from the internet.  Heh yes the liquor price overshadowed the food one for sure!  Alcohol was hubby's passion.

Took a picture of the box for record-keeping the next morning...

I'll just eat my breakfast

Overall the night went ok actually.  I plan to continue this gathering in coming years.

CNY Eve

(I must get on with my posts even though this is the saddest CNY)

CNY eve dinner was with my family as per the previous 3 years. 
2023 The first year I'd spent this day with my family since getting married.  I was so happy heh.
2024:  Eventful one as our 2 maids caught covid and then my father.  Eventually managed to celebrate this day, yay.
2025: Normal one. :)

On to 2026 aka now.  Dinner started with yee sang which my mum made from scratch, down to early hunting for a raw-ish papaya to pickle.

Huat huat

Next the steamboat.  Improved the menu based on previous year's experience - less fishballs and more other items!  This time we had added shabu pork, cuttlefish, chicken on stick.

Eat eat chat chat

 

The kids were looking forward to gambling.  My bro prepared the RM3 'seed money' as usual.  SE lost everything haha.

Gamble gamble

If only hubby had been around, this time he could just have conveniently walked upstairs to his room at my parents' place.  Instead of waiting for the night to be over (as for the other years) in order to go home.  

For me, I missed him a lot this night.  Chatted to my aunt about him - it helps me to receive words of understanding/support which I will also think back on.

My sis's family had to go early to the airport and we forgot to take a family photo.

2025 photobook

One thing I had been busy on was our yearly photobook.  For once this was such an emotional task for me.  Hubby was with us 11 months of 2025.  Seeing how healthy hubby looked at the beginning of the year, seeing us as a complete family, in fact just seeing pictures of hubby... I was sobbing my heart out while putting this book together.  

 
Front cover

I'd planned on starting the book with a photo with four of us and end with one of only three, but JE said to put one of four.  So ok, start and end with four.  Hubby was using a tongkat/walking stick after radiotherapy and steroid medication for swelling in the brain. 

Back cover

Finally my job was done and the order sent off.  The physical book arrived - only this time hubby wasn't around as usual to check out the book.  And complain why I selected some pictures of him that weren't flattering haha.  

SE thought there wasn't much point printing this book out.  Well, for me growing up with non-digital cameras, we always had printed photos in albums.  It seemed good to me to have a book to turn over pages and pass around.  ONE book a year is already less than the photoalbums in my parents' cupboard!  I'll probably continue this practice.